Rambles.

[taimatsu]

I need to do some thinking about LIFE and so on. About degrees. And I just need to get on with it, not put off thinking about it for ages. Anyway, I have counselling tomorrow, it would be sensible to have something to talk about.

So, I hate my degree. I don't think I can do the work, I don't like most of the subjects I am currently studying (although there are interesting possibilities in the final year) and I find the tutorial system very hard going. I seem to be incapable of punctuality, which is conn ected to a near total lack of self-discipline and willpower. This has improved recently in some areas (specifically, relationships), but when it comes to work I have a long way to go.

I have exhausted all my leeway in the college disciplinary system. As s uming I go back in January, the first late essay or missed appointment could result in expulsion. This is lots of extra pressure to deal with. I have eighteen months to complete before I finish the degree. I have about eight essays to write before Janua ry. My tutor appears to be ignoring my emails.

That's a big pile of negative stuff. I am quite negative about the whole thing at the moment. This could be just my mood, or it could be that actually I can't do it.

On the other hand, I want a degree. It w ould be nice, though not crucial, to have an Oxford degree, given I made it here and have worked for some years at it. I can't think of any other subject I really want to study (though I haven't thought very hard about it) and I would like to stay in Oxfo rd (friends, social groups, nice place, feel at home here), which sways me in favour of not moving to another university.

Dropping this course and starting another degree later, after a break, as a mature student, might be a plan, but that would b e expe nsive, and difficult, and would require me to work in between to raise money for it, at the kind of jobs one gets without a degree, which are unlikely to be my dream job/fulfilling/interesting (not that I know what my dream job would be anyway). A lso mig ht lead to me being dependent on my parents for longer, given rents in Oxford, which would be bad, since they can't really afford it.

The other idea might be to do an Open University degree part time as well as working, but I don't really know ho w that w orks. And it suffers from the crap-job issue too.

My mother and I were talking about savings the other day, and she put the wind up me wrt pensions; seems I need to start saving yesterday in order not to live in an unheated shoebox at 80. She was saying that I probably ought to aim at getting a semi-well-paid job in order to be able to afford to maintain my accustomed standard of living (this sounds awful) till I conk out. This is unfortunate, since the only jobs I've ever expressed a specific in terest in (aside from ballet-dancing, which I was never cut out for) are youth work and teaching, both of which are notoriously badly-paid, not to mention stressful. So, looks like that's another problem to consider.

I guess I just need to work out w hat I want to do with my life. I think that will take quite a long time, though, and I have a time-limit on this - I'm headed back in January. Six months, or thereabouts, in which to think about this. And in the meantime, I have to make myself do the work, because otherwise I'm going to have problems. Does anyone else have any thoughts on this? I could really do with advice...

Comments

[tithonus.livejournal.com]

i'd suggest acting as if you're not going back, ie looking for a long-term money bringer job... if nothing works well enough on that before january, or if by then you've decided you're ready for the degree.. go back to the degree, and work at it. the worst they can do is kick you out, which doesn't stop you doing a 'mature' degree or one somewhere else, or something else... in the meantime you've had six months to think about things, and hopefully garnered some useful dosh.

on the pensions side: i never take that sort of thing seriously, partly because i have no intention of stopping working, and partly because i know that someone with brains will find a way to get enough to get by, and probably a lot more.. i wouldn't worry. anyway starting a pension when you're not earning much is not worthwhile - you just aren't putting enough in to make a difference, despite the rubbish spouted about guarding the pennies.

hopefully that's enough bad advice to keep you going. :-)
still want to go to the zoo?

Does anyone else have any thoughts on this?

[inskauldrak.livejournal.com]

Yup, first off have some *hugs* & *cuddles* and accept, not as half-empty platitudes but as they are.

Pension-wise, well teaching etc. is notoriously badly paid, but in some areas of teaching I think things aren't too bad (some of the govt. money has actully reached the sharp end I think,but vould be wrong).But unless they've completely reworked the pension system, the pension's better empolyer-contribution-wise than most jobs. I'll see my mum on monday and will ask her about this - she works in scotland but is a solid part of the 'teacher mafioso'(in the nice sense) and my housemate Pete is a teacher in london so I can ask him too.

As to degree. It comes down to what makes you happier and more fulfilled. If the whole thing and set-up as things are will just damage you the get out. But if there are bits of the course you can pursue and enjoy/love and if a little help from friends with work/stress relief/advice/etc. will mean you can get through in a way which lets you look back and have more fond memories than not. Then go for it. We'll be here, I promise.

You've got the brains for it and that can't be taken from you, it's just a question of which teaching style and course is best for you.

Take care, you know where we are if you need to talk more

*hugs*

Michael

[taimatsu]

Not all bad :) but acting as if not going back would mean failing to fulfil the requirements for my return - catching up on the work. your point about th money is a good one, though. I just doubt my ability to get a sufficiently well-paid, borderline interesting one without a degree. Õ

Re: Does anyone else have any thoughts on this?

[taimatsu]

*nod* That's all good advice :)

I need to keep thinking. It might be better as a long-term investment of time and hassle to just get the degree done now. This requires me to learn self-discipline and other life skills, though, because I will not make it without that. I am scared of coming out of it with a very poor degree and then finding it almost harder to get jobs afterwards, but that's probably paranoia setting in :)

Thanks for the support. You visiting Oxford any time soon? :

teaching...

[nevecat.livejournal.com]

It's something I considered when I was out of work (signing up for a PGCE).

Since, as yet, you don't have a degree, unless you manage to teach in a private school (increasingly unlikely these days, and probably *very* unlikely for someone of your age - the people who do manage it usually have the whole 'University of Life' thang going for them), you're going to need a teaching qualification - that's either a B/M-Ed (3 or 4 years), or a PGCE (1 or 2 years, but is post-grad, so you need a degree first).

Which comes back to the same problems about a degree course.

Even without thinking about that. Many teachers work a 12-16 hour day. They usually have to be in school by 8.30 at the latest,. and there's usually travel before that. End of the *school* day may be 3.30-4 oclock, but most won't leave til 5 at the earliest, and will often then be working on marking & prep til midnight.

I'm sure you *do* know this, but I've had years of my mum coming home absolutely shattered to the point of tears, and claiming she wants to give up on a semi-regular basis. On the other hand, she'll also come home almost in ferret-shock at something great the kids have done that day.

If you can hack it, and put up will the red tape distracting from the real job, it's a great profession despite the pay....but it really does have to be something you go into wityh your eyes wide open - even when training, when on work experience you'll probably be putting in hours at least that long, because you'll be doing assignments alongside teaching.

Honestly? I wouldn't recommend it to you as things stand - you need too much sleep, and you're too emotionally vulnerable. Same reasons why I'm not doing it. It's a great thing to have as an aim, and certainly tutoring or something could be an option - but not teaching as things stand, hon.

Re: Does anyone else have any thoughts on this?

[emperor]

I think I'd echo those sentiments; if you think you might be able to get through the degree, then that's probably the best course; even getting a third will be orders of magnitude better for your job prospects than not having one at all.

Oh, and *hugs* are availble too. You know where I live :)

pensions

[(Anonymous)]

> she put the wind up me wrt pensions

You don't want to take any notice of that. The pensions scare is based on the assumption that somehow the state won't be able to make enough money to support lots of old people, but pension funds will. In your experience, which most often goes bankrupt, states, or companies?

I'd always suggest to anyone who has spare money that they not invest in a pension scheme, but straight save it, or use it at the earlier part of their life to have a smaller mortgage, what with interest on debt usually being higher than income on savings and all...

Bottom line, if you have spare cash then buy a bigger house, and survive your retirement by renting it out and moving to somewhere smaller. Pensions are the last thing you need to worry about when you're in your early twenties and confused.

jdcxxx

[tithonus.livejournal.com]

"but acting as if not going back would mean failing to fulfil the requirements for my return"
i thought you don't have to do that until january, or do you have to do it in stages?

i think you're probably overly paranoid with the whole need a degree thing.. it reduces options, but doesn't kill them entirely... go to a temp agency, look through the classified in one of the big papers, find an online job thingie,.. i'm pretty sure you can find something that works - if that's what you want.

Re: teaching...

[chrisvenus]

ferret-shock

What the hell is "ferret-shock"?

Is it not nifty? Worship the comic.

[crag-du.livejournal.com]

Read up on your Sluggy (http://www.sluggy.com)!

[crag-du.livejournal.com]

I'd love to be able to offer some usefull advice.
I droped out of the Buisness Studies HND I was doing at the time back in '97 for a number of reasons, some financal, some personal and partly 'cause I was not happy with the direction I seemed to be going. 5 years (Sh*t! Strange how the time both flys and crawls past...) latter, I'm still temping and still not sure what I want to be doing.
Not sure what I wanted to say...
Oh yes, nearly forgott...
*HUGS*

[taimatsu]

I have to catch up on work, which I can't do really if I have a full-time job. p

[tithonus.livejournal.com]

then i guess the options are decide now whether you want to finish it now or not, and follow that.. or get the work you to continue out of the way, and get a job/do something else while you think about whether you want to go back.

boy is that unhelpful. :-)

[taimatsu]

'tis a bit, I'm afraid - the point is that it's really hard to make that decision, because there are so many different factors involved, and lots of different options..

Re: Does anyone else have any thoughts on this?

[taimatsu]

Yes, I'm beginning to think that too. But the books and the work - it's all Big and Scary. –

[taimatsu]

Thanks for the shared experiences and the hugs :) *hugs* to you too.

Re: teaching...

[taimatsu]

I thikn you're right. Anyway, it won't be sure that I'll get a degree right up untill I actually get the thing, so there's no point making long-term plans like that :)

*hug*

LxÏ

[ex-lark-asc.livejournal.com]

Going to a non-Oxbridge uni instead isn't necessarily such a bad thing. It can be quite a breath of fresh air - reminds you just how small and rarefied a world a university like Oxford or Cambridge is, and just what the difference is between Oxbridge material and everyone else :)

(*ahem* modesty, what's that?)

I spent a year at the University of Hertfordshire (Hatfield Poly to its friends) doing an MSc, though I was lucky enough to get a grant for it from the EPSRC. It wasn't the best year of my life, and I would have enjoyed it less if I hadn't had a very lovely SO to come home to at weekends, but from a career point of view it was an excellent move and I don't regret it at all.

I suppose the best thing to do with big decisions like this is to try them on for size. Decide you're going to get a job, and see how it makes you feel. If you find that your degree is just too much to give up on and you're regretting the loss, then don't give up on it; if you find it's secretly a relief, well, go figure :) One thing I firmly believe is that you don't have to put yourself through horrible experiences to meet somebody else's standards - you don't even have to do it to meet your own standards, though working out the difference between refusing to let yourself underachieve and being too hard on yourself is not exactly easy, even with second opinions. (I've never reliably managed it..)

*coff* gosh, the older I get the more I sound like my mother.. whatever you pick though, good luck :)