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taimatsu
I need to do some thinking about LIFE and so on. About degrees. And I just need to get on with it, not put off thinking about it for ages. Anyway, I have counselling tomorrow, it would be sensible to have something to talk about.
So, I hate my degree. I don't think I can do the work, I don't like most of the subjects I am currently studying (although there are interesting possibilities in the final year) and I find the tutorial system very hard going. I seem to be incapable of punctuality, which is conn ected to a near total lack of self-discipline and willpower. This has improved recently in some areas (specifically, relationships), but when it comes to work I have a long way to go.
I have exhausted all my leeway in the college disciplinary system. As s uming I go back in January, the first late essay or missed appointment could result in expulsion. This is lots of extra pressure to deal with. I have eighteen months to complete before I finish the degree. I have about eight essays to write before Janua ry. My tutor appears to be ignoring my emails.
That's a big pile of negative stuff. I am quite negative about the whole thing at the moment. This could be just my mood, or it could be that actually I can't do it.
On the other hand, I want a degree. It w ould be nice, though not crucial, to have an Oxford degree, given I made it here and have worked for some years at it. I can't think of any other subject I really want to study (though I haven't thought very hard about it) and I would like to stay in Oxfo rd (friends, social groups, nice place, feel at home here), which sways me in favour of not moving to another university.
Dropping this course and starting another degree later, after a break, as a mature student, might be a plan, but that would b e expe nsive, and difficult, and would require me to work in between to raise money for it, at the kind of jobs one gets without a degree, which are unlikely to be my dream job/fulfilling/interesting (not that I know what my dream job would be anyway). A lso mig ht lead to me being dependent on my parents for longer, given rents in Oxford, which would be bad, since they can't really afford it.
The other idea might be to do an Open University degree part time as well as working, but I don't really know ho w that w orks. And it suffers from the crap-job issue too.
My mother and I were talking about savings the other day, and she put the wind up me wrt pensions; seems I need to start saving yesterday in order not to live in an unheated shoebox at 80. She was saying that I probably ought to aim at getting a semi-well-paid job in order to be able to afford to maintain my accustomed standard of living (this sounds awful) till I conk out. This is unfortunate, since the only jobs I've ever expressed a specific in terest in (aside from ballet-dancing, which I was never cut out for) are youth work and teaching, both of which are notoriously badly-paid, not to mention stressful. So, looks like that's another problem to consider.
I guess I just need to work out w hat I want to do with my life. I think that will take quite a long time, though, and I have a time-limit on this - I'm headed back in January. Six months, or thereabouts, in which to think about this. And in the meantime, I have to make myself do the work, because otherwise I'm going to have problems. Does anyone else have any thoughts on this? I could really do with advice...
So, I hate my degree. I don't think I can do the work, I don't like most of the subjects I am currently studying (although there are interesting possibilities in the final year) and I find the tutorial system very hard going. I seem to be incapable of punctuality, which is conn ected to a near total lack of self-discipline and willpower. This has improved recently in some areas (specifically, relationships), but when it comes to work I have a long way to go.
I have exhausted all my leeway in the college disciplinary system. As s uming I go back in January, the first late essay or missed appointment could result in expulsion. This is lots of extra pressure to deal with. I have eighteen months to complete before I finish the degree. I have about eight essays to write before Janua ry. My tutor appears to be ignoring my emails.
That's a big pile of negative stuff. I am quite negative about the whole thing at the moment. This could be just my mood, or it could be that actually I can't do it.
On the other hand, I want a degree. It w ould be nice, though not crucial, to have an Oxford degree, given I made it here and have worked for some years at it. I can't think of any other subject I really want to study (though I haven't thought very hard about it) and I would like to stay in Oxfo rd (friends, social groups, nice place, feel at home here), which sways me in favour of not moving to another university.
Dropping this course and starting another degree later, after a break, as a mature student, might be a plan, but that would b e expe nsive, and difficult, and would require me to work in between to raise money for it, at the kind of jobs one gets without a degree, which are unlikely to be my dream job/fulfilling/interesting (not that I know what my dream job would be anyway). A lso mig ht lead to me being dependent on my parents for longer, given rents in Oxford, which would be bad, since they can't really afford it.
The other idea might be to do an Open University degree part time as well as working, but I don't really know ho w that w orks. And it suffers from the crap-job issue too.
My mother and I were talking about savings the other day, and she put the wind up me wrt pensions; seems I need to start saving yesterday in order not to live in an unheated shoebox at 80. She was saying that I probably ought to aim at getting a semi-well-paid job in order to be able to afford to maintain my accustomed standard of living (this sounds awful) till I conk out. This is unfortunate, since the only jobs I've ever expressed a specific in terest in (aside from ballet-dancing, which I was never cut out for) are youth work and teaching, both of which are notoriously badly-paid, not to mention stressful. So, looks like that's another problem to consider.
I guess I just need to work out w hat I want to do with my life. I think that will take quite a long time, though, and I have a time-limit on this - I'm headed back in January. Six months, or thereabouts, in which to think about this. And in the meantime, I have to make myself do the work, because otherwise I'm going to have problems. Does anyone else have any thoughts on this? I could really do with advice...
Re: Does anyone else have any thoughts on this?
Date: Thursday, 18 July 2002 08:12 am (UTC)