Rambles.

[taimatsu]

I need to do some thinking about LIFE and so on. About degrees. And I just need to get on with it, not put off thinking about it for ages. Anyway, I have counselling tomorrow, it would be sensible to have something to talk about.

So, I hate my degree. I don't think I can do the work, I don't like most of the subjects I am currently studying (although there are interesting possibilities in the final year) and I find the tutorial system very hard going. I seem to be incapable of punctuality, which is conn ected to a near total lack of self-discipline and willpower. This has improved recently in some areas (specifically, relationships), but when it comes to work I have a long way to go.

I have exhausted all my leeway in the college disciplinary system. As s uming I go back in January, the first late essay or missed appointment could result in expulsion. This is lots of extra pressure to deal with. I have eighteen months to complete before I finish the degree. I have about eight essays to write before Janua ry. My tutor appears to be ignoring my emails.

That's a big pile of negative stuff. I am quite negative about the whole thing at the moment. This could be just my mood, or it could be that actually I can't do it.

On the other hand, I want a degree. It w ould be nice, though not crucial, to have an Oxford degree, given I made it here and have worked for some years at it. I can't think of any other subject I really want to study (though I haven't thought very hard about it) and I would like to stay in Oxfo rd (friends, social groups, nice place, feel at home here), which sways me in favour of not moving to another university.

Dropping this course and starting another degree later, after a break, as a mature student, might be a plan, but that would b e expe nsive, and difficult, and would require me to work in between to raise money for it, at the kind of jobs one gets without a degree, which are unlikely to be my dream job/fulfilling/interesting (not that I know what my dream job would be anyway). A lso mig ht lead to me being dependent on my parents for longer, given rents in Oxford, which would be bad, since they can't really afford it.

The other idea might be to do an Open University degree part time as well as working, but I don't really know ho w that w orks. And it suffers from the crap-job issue too.

My mother and I were talking about savings the other day, and she put the wind up me wrt pensions; seems I need to start saving yesterday in order not to live in an unheated shoebox at 80. She was saying that I probably ought to aim at getting a semi-well-paid job in order to be able to afford to maintain my accustomed standard of living (this sounds awful) till I conk out. This is unfortunate, since the only jobs I've ever expressed a specific in terest in (aside from ballet-dancing, which I was never cut out for) are youth work and teaching, both of which are notoriously badly-paid, not to mention stressful. So, looks like that's another problem to consider.

I guess I just need to work out w hat I want to do with my life. I think that will take quite a long time, though, and I have a time-limit on this - I'm headed back in January. Six months, or thereabouts, in which to think about this. And in the meantime, I have to make myself do the work, because otherwise I'm going to have problems. Does anyone else have any thoughts on this? I could really do with advice...

Comments

[tithonus.livejournal.com]

i'd suggest acting as if you're not going back, ie looking for a long-term money bringer job... if nothing works well enough on that before january, or if by then you've decided you're ready for the degree.. go back to the degree, and work at it. the worst they can do is kick you out, which doesn't stop you doing a 'mature' degree or one somewhere else, or something else... in the meantime you've had six months to think about things, and hopefully garnered some useful dosh.

on the pensions side: i never take that sort of thing seriously, partly because i have no intention of stopping working, and partly because i know that someone with brains will find a way to get enough to get by, and probably a lot more.. i wouldn't worry. anyway starting a pension when you're not earning much is not worthwhile - you just aren't putting enough in to make a difference, despite the rubbish spouted about guarding the pennies.

hopefully that's enough bad advice to keep you going. :-)
still want to go to the zoo?

[taimatsu]

Not all bad :) but acting as if not going back would mean failing to fulfil the requirements for my return - catching up on the work. your point about th money is a good one, though. I just doubt my ability to get a sufficiently well-paid, borderline interesting one without a degree. Õ

[tithonus.livejournal.com]

"but acting as if not going back would mean failing to fulfil the requirements for my return"
i thought you don't have to do that until january, or do you have to do it in stages?

i think you're probably overly paranoid with the whole need a degree thing.. it reduces options, but doesn't kill them entirely... go to a temp agency, look through the classified in one of the big papers, find an online job thingie,.. i'm pretty sure you can find something that works - if that's what you want.

[taimatsu]

I have to catch up on work, which I can't do really if I have a full-time job. p

[tithonus.livejournal.com]

then i guess the options are decide now whether you want to finish it now or not, and follow that.. or get the work you to continue out of the way, and get a job/do something else while you think about whether you want to go back.

boy is that unhelpful. :-)

[taimatsu]

'tis a bit, I'm afraid - the point is that it's really hard to make that decision, because there are so many different factors involved, and lots of different options..