no subject

[taimatsu]

I haven't written for a bit - combination of too much going on in my head and too little outside it. I have a week before I move now, and have done practically 0 packing. I went to see the new room again the other day, though, and sort out bills and things with housemates. It's all BIG and NICE and EMPTY at the moment. Won't stay that way for long.

Trouble is, all it has in it are a bed, a wardrobe, and a small chest of drawers. I need to get hold of a desk, some bookshelves, and probably some more drawers.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to moving; it will be like a fresh start.

I also have to contend with basically rethinking my entire life. I don't know any more whether continuing to struggle with this degree is a good idea. I do want a degree, but I don't think I can do this one, right now. My counsellor suggests I shouldn't feel I have to do things because it's what people do, or because it's a pre-determined route I always thought I would follow. I have experienced a severe loss of confidence in my ability to do the degree work; if I go back to it, the first slip I make means I'm out on my ear, because of the way the college disciplinary system works - I've already exhausted all my leeway, and this is my last chance. It's hard enough already without that kind of pressure.

On the other hand, if I don't do a degree now, it's going to be way more expensive and difficult to do it as a mature student. I don't really know what I'd do in between - I don't know what I want to do with my life anyway, and this just makes it harder. I don't want to remain a burden on my parents - despite appearances, they're not really all that loaded, and I have two younger brothers, one of whom is dossing about sorting out a gap year, and the other still needs school fees paying, and sport equipment, and school trips, and so on.

Thing is, I don't think I can manage the Oxford degree course. But is that because it's Oxford, and is particularly stressful and pressured, or could I not manage *any* degree course the way things are at the moment? jdc thinks it is the latter, and says if I can't manage to turn up to a tute once a week, I'd never cope somewhere where turning up to five lecutres a week is compulsory. I think he could be wrong though. If you have to be at two lectures in a day, and you miss them, someone's going to notice sooner than if it's a week before your next compulsory contact time.

I've seen a job advertised for an Administrator at the Pegasus Theatre. They want admin and IT skills and an interest in working with young people - I think I can do that. It's full-time, though, so going for it would mean making a decision about what I want to do with this degree.

Too many things to sort out.

Today I am going to London, to celebrate my youngest brother's birthday. I have to get him a present, get money from the bank, post some letters and my BiCon form, make some vital phonecalls, drop in at Blockbuster to report my card nicked, and pack some clothes. All before about 2pm. I'd better get going.

Comments

[quisalan.livejournal.com]

I'm considering buying a bigger chest of drawers to replace the dark brown one in my room - if I did that would you be interested in having it?

[taimatsu]

Yes, though I'll probably want to see how big it is first, and timing is a factor :)

[emperor]

I know what you mean about worrying about continuing with degrees - I'm still unsure if I can cope with final year. Could you find someone who could talk to you every day to see how you're getting on?

As to the job, is it in a line of work you'd like to do long-term-ish, and is it going to lead to further job opportunities? If so, it might be good to go for it; if not, then might you find yourself regretting not finishing the degree a year or so down the line?

[nassus.livejournal.com]

I know what it's like to be unsure about what you are studying. If you aren't really focused on the goal at the end of it it makes it extremely hard. I started uni doing science with some vague idea about teaching. After trying second year Biol and second year Psych I ended up dropping out (glandular fever didn't help either). However I did go back several years later as a mature age student and it was a lot easier as I knew what I wanted to do and where the course was leading. Plus I'd gotten a little more of a handle on the emotional ups and downs you go thru in your late teens etc. I'd recommend it if you do decide not to continue at the moment (financial problems aside as it is a little easier in Aus). I also got status for some of the earlier study so it wasn't completely throwing it away. The other alternative if the uni lets you is to take a year out just to have a think and regain some focus. But if you think you can keep going and get through now that is good too <-: Good luck.