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Friday, 12 July 2002 10:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
taimatsu
I haven't written for a bit - combination of too much going on in my head and too little outside it. I have a week before I move now, and have done practically 0 packing. I went to see the new room again the other day, though, and sort out bills and things with housemates. It's all BIG and NICE and EMPTY at the moment. Won't stay that way for long.
Trouble is, all it has in it are a bed, a wardrobe, and a small chest of drawers. I need to get hold of a desk, some bookshelves, and probably some more drawers.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to moving; it will be like a fresh start.
I also have to contend with basically rethinking my entire life. I don't know any more whether continuing to struggle with this degree is a good idea. I do want a degree, but I don't think I can do this one, right now. My counsellor suggests I shouldn't feel I have to do things because it's what people do, or because it's a pre-determined route I always thought I would follow. I have experienced a severe loss of confidence in my ability to do the degree work; if I go back to it, the first slip I make means I'm out on my ear, because of the way the college disciplinary system works - I've already exhausted all my leeway, and this is my last chance. It's hard enough already without that kind of pressure.
On the other hand, if I don't do a degree now, it's going to be way more expensive and difficult to do it as a mature student. I don't really know what I'd do in between - I don't know what I want to do with my life anyway, and this just makes it harder. I don't want to remain a burden on my parents - despite appearances, they're not really all that loaded, and I have two younger brothers, one of whom is dossing about sorting out a gap year, and the other still needs school fees paying, and sport equipment, and school trips, and so on.
Thing is, I don't think I can manage the Oxford degree course. But is that because it's Oxford, and is particularly stressful and pressured, or could I not manage *any* degree course the way things are at the moment? jdc thinks it is the latter, and says if I can't manage to turn up to a tute once a week, I'd never cope somewhere where turning up to five lecutres a week is compulsory. I think he could be wrong though. If you have to be at two lectures in a day, and you miss them, someone's going to notice sooner than if it's a week before your next compulsory contact time.
I've seen a job advertised for an Administrator at the Pegasus Theatre. They want admin and IT skills and an interest in working with young people - I think I can do that. It's full-time, though, so going for it would mean making a decision about what I want to do with this degree.
Too many things to sort out.
Today I am going to London, to celebrate my youngest brother's birthday. I have to get him a present, get money from the bank, post some letters and my BiCon form, make some vital phonecalls, drop in at Blockbuster to report my card nicked, and pack some clothes. All before about 2pm. I'd better get going.
Trouble is, all it has in it are a bed, a wardrobe, and a small chest of drawers. I need to get hold of a desk, some bookshelves, and probably some more drawers.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to moving; it will be like a fresh start.
I also have to contend with basically rethinking my entire life. I don't know any more whether continuing to struggle with this degree is a good idea. I do want a degree, but I don't think I can do this one, right now. My counsellor suggests I shouldn't feel I have to do things because it's what people do, or because it's a pre-determined route I always thought I would follow. I have experienced a severe loss of confidence in my ability to do the degree work; if I go back to it, the first slip I make means I'm out on my ear, because of the way the college disciplinary system works - I've already exhausted all my leeway, and this is my last chance. It's hard enough already without that kind of pressure.
On the other hand, if I don't do a degree now, it's going to be way more expensive and difficult to do it as a mature student. I don't really know what I'd do in between - I don't know what I want to do with my life anyway, and this just makes it harder. I don't want to remain a burden on my parents - despite appearances, they're not really all that loaded, and I have two younger brothers, one of whom is dossing about sorting out a gap year, and the other still needs school fees paying, and sport equipment, and school trips, and so on.
Thing is, I don't think I can manage the Oxford degree course. But is that because it's Oxford, and is particularly stressful and pressured, or could I not manage *any* degree course the way things are at the moment? jdc thinks it is the latter, and says if I can't manage to turn up to a tute once a week, I'd never cope somewhere where turning up to five lecutres a week is compulsory. I think he could be wrong though. If you have to be at two lectures in a day, and you miss them, someone's going to notice sooner than if it's a week before your next compulsory contact time.
I've seen a job advertised for an Administrator at the Pegasus Theatre. They want admin and IT skills and an interest in working with young people - I think I can do that. It's full-time, though, so going for it would mean making a decision about what I want to do with this degree.
Too many things to sort out.
Today I am going to London, to celebrate my youngest brother's birthday. I have to get him a present, get money from the bank, post some letters and my BiCon form, make some vital phonecalls, drop in at Blockbuster to report my card nicked, and pack some clothes. All before about 2pm. I'd better get going.
