Sonnet

[taimatsu]

I thought I'd post the revised version more publically. For those who've seen it before - I altered the repetitious bit in the middle, althought hat section still doesn't flow quite so well as the rest.

And so this aching hole will not be filled
And once again you've slipped out of my grasp
No longer will my tight-wound nerves be thrilled
At touches from your hands, your hair, your clasp
Around my wrists, your nails, your teeth; your kiss
- ah, that will hurt the most; although I'm sure
your lips will touch my cheek again, I'll miss
The heart that once went with them all the more.
And so, things change. I'm glad we got this far.
No matter what I wish, what might have been
Or what went wrong, these failures cannot mar
Bright memories of all we've done and seen.
And so, my dear, remember, I loved you
And, in my way, I tried, and I was true.

Comments

Re: Very cool.

[taimatsu]

Yup, there are :) There are always 14 lines, and the rhythm is always iambic pentameter (baDUM baDUM baDUM baDUM baDUM).

There are two ways to do the rhyme scheme/general structure. A 'Petrarchan' sonnet has two groups of seven lines, with a rhyme scheme I can't rememeber off the top of my head (Google will know) and often writers use the split in the structure to change the mood or present a different part of the idea.

A 'Shakespearean' sonnet has three groups of 4 lines (rhymed 'abab cdcd efef') and ends with a couplet. That's the form I used above.

It's quite nice to try writing sonnets because the form prevents the weird rambly idiocy of most of my free verse, forces me to find the best single word for a concept instead of the nearest three or four, and the rhythm is natural to speech. The rhyming can be awkward, but usually I find something that nearly fits and go back to it, and then it clicks.

Re: Very cool.

[crag-du.livejournal.com]

Trying to translate the images in my head into words... *shrugs*
Best I've managed so far:
http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=clawboy42&itemid=8775