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am in towering rage of doom. hate work, hate anal-retentive procedures which then aren't adhered to, hate being told to do tasks with inadequate equipment so I spend ages worrying about things I shouldn't need to, hate being pushed around and made to feel like a spare part, then nagged when not doing things just right. Really want to just sod off and go home. have five minutes of lunch left.

I would try to calmly explain my problems with this morning's happenings to my team leader, but I would just end up crying or otherwise making a fool of myself. Instead, I just paste on the plastic smile, nod a lot, and say 'okay!' in a neutral tone.

Fun.

(God, am *so* tempted to just email my boss and tell him I've had enough for today and am going home. I took lunch early because all the being shoved around had sent me onto the edge of wild stress attacks, and I just had to calm down, and now I'm being told off again for taking lunch at an awkward time. I hate this place so much.)

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meh. I am floppy. I am very tired. I have no motivation to do anything. There's some email I should answer, and I can't get myself to do it just at the moment. (Probably bcause it involves being indirectly sociable, or at least not moody - I can do moody bloody well in text.) I have spent all day today feeling wound up to breaking-point, save for about an hour at the start of the morning. This takes its toll. Usually about now I'd be doing craft stuff or reading or doing one of my mammoth web search and devour efforts on Salon or craft how-to articles or rosacea treatments or whatever - tonight I'm just blah. I did do some drawing earlier, but I'm finished with that now. I've eaten immense piles of food today.

I might go to bed. It isn't even nine o'clock yet.