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No, my silence is not due to post-Histories comedown. I only posted on four days in December - it's been going on a while.

One possible reason which has just occured to me is that maybe I only have two settings at the moment - silent or over-share. I really can't talk about the stuff at the forefront of my mind - it's TMI and a bit Schroedinger's in nature (as in, allowing it to be observed changes its nature)- and the other stuff is either boring or a bit depressing (I haven't a prayer of getting my UCAS app in on time).

I am going to compel myself to update occasionally, and may make lots of private posts to reacclimatise myself to writing. If I commit all the stuff in my head to type but where no-one else can see it, perhaps I will free up my headspace for writing about other things.

So, recent highlights of the Land of Lucy:
* agressive mould, post-Shards, has eaten a pair of my pyjama trousers. Literally - the white parts of the white/red woven tartan pattern have dissolved. It's scary. They were my favourites, too. I am sad.

* The company for which I work are in the process of gaining approval to offer me a fixed-term contract. This will mean improved job security and additional interesting things to do; no word on pay and hours yet. And hey, they like me!

* On that note, I got to impress the Big Boss by calling hotels in French the other day. I just wish I could've remembered the word 'entreprise (business) at the time.

* I am still totally knackered after the Histories.

* Robert's band Very Short Pier played a gig in Reading last night. They were excellent and their new drummer and singer are very good. I had lots of fun being Groupie-In-Chief (in a homemade band t-shirt) and official tea girl.

* I am trying to work out ways to see my friends more often and more regularly. It is hard because so many nice people live far away, and I am so busy!

* I have made assorted semi-resolutions and begun to make some big Plans for the year (mostly about the house) but have not done anything yet. Most of my life is at the too-big-a-problem-to-tackle stage.

* I need to talk to people. That could mean email or phone or LJ or anything, but I need to talk to people. Please reassure me I have a brain. Please ask me something. Have I studied something you're interested in? Have I expressed an opinion you want to challenge me on? Please, I beseech you, post a comment or send me an email.

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Yes, you do indeed have a brain you Silly! ; P

And this year it would be really good to be able to actually sit and have long chats with people such as yourself, Robert, SteveP, Ginnie, Mark, the 'read-through-mob' (as I don't know most of 'em but they seem really cool) about ethics, history, politics and all of the other stuff that's actually fun to discuss with people.

And given you asked for questions:

What's the French for "I'm sorry I haven't a clue" ; )

Je suis désolée, je n'ai pas aucun indice. (Approximately.)

Re. talking to people - yes! I hope by May to have a passably usable house, and intend to actually invite people round and have a birthday party. I would like to introduce you to the readthrough-people; I think you and they would get on well.

We must meet up again some time soon...

HEY. I AM JUST DOWN THE ROAD.

Is the *shape* of your pyjama trousers still intact? Gentle wash in mild detergent, then undo the seams and make a pattern. I will go fabric shopping with you, if you like.

Well, technically you are a bus, a train and a taxi away, but I take your point :) I tend not to invite myself to visit people, and as I can't invite anyone here at the moment, that means I can end up not seeing anyone unless they take the initiative. It's somewhat crap, but till we have the house rising like a phoenix from its current catastrophic state, it's unlikely to change :(

Shape of trousers is intact; recent foray into Fabric Land suggests Black Watch brushed cotton tartan is perfect for pj trousers. But it doesnt match the top at all :(

You are an interesting person. Really.

Actually, you are a person with an intersting LJ; I happen to regard the two things as one and the same thing. But the journal is elegantly-written, entertaining , interesting and occasionally challenging. And, for the most part, short.

As I said, one and the same thing. Talk to me? Get onto ICQ. Or dig out my mobile number by hunting for comments; if you want to talk to me that badly, you'll find it, and I suspect - with some degree of confidence - that actually you don't. Because there are probably people you know far better who are much more the person you want - or need - to talk to.

Well, no, I don't. Not because you're not very nice, but because I am quite bad at phones anyway and even worse when I don't know the person well. If someone calls me, it's up to them to produce a topic of conversation, so that's okay; but I'm appallingly bad at finding things to talk about even with my close friends over the phone.

Okay, well, not being sure what course and institute you're applying for, but on the inside of UG admissions (via UCAS), even if you're late you can still get a UCAS form in - it'll arrive to the institute with a LATE stamp on it, but unless its somewhere which is always over-subscribed you'll be fine. After a second cut-off date (May, i think) your form won't be sent to the Institute till A-level results are in (and clearing starts).

So, get the form in as soon as you can, but if you're late still do it!

Seconded. :)

And again, I don't know what institution or course, but there are places that don't work on UCAS, anyway - perhaps not many and the one I know best is part time study, but it might be worth it...

Oh and, thats not grand news on the Shards kit, and you are interesting to talk to, so ner ;D

It's not actually Shards kit, it's a pair of pyjama trousers I wore under my bg brown trousers when it got very cold and rainy. I shoved them in a plastic bag because they were wet, and then forgot about them. :(

Ahh yes, wet'll do that to them :(

Reading, English. Only them, as I want to stay living where I am. I don't know if they will be over-subscribed and don't know how to find out.

Thanks for the encouragement!

the best way...call (or email) the admissions department of the Uni and ask!

I'm in contact with one of the relevant people, and I owe her email anyway, so I will do that tonight! :)

Cool!

I'm sure you have a brain. Probably a better one than mine at this time of the morning?

You clearly need to re-join #keble.

But, but, but, last time I tried it was all incomprehensible geekery, all the time! Does conversation ever wander away from computers?

Occasionally, yes. Especially if people start and contribute to non-computer conversations :)

i sooooooooooo want to come and make felt and shortbread!!!! SOOOOOO. really i just want to hang out in a non party atmosphere. parties and me don't really mix. unless alcohol is added.

i miss your posts. i hope you find that writing privately helps.

*hugs and love*

We will do it. We just can't do it *here* till the house is a bit tidier. I will be in touch as soon as it's anywhere near plausible. *hug* I want to do fun things with you too!

Yay! for your company and your being impressive in French. You have an excellent brain. But if ever you want a session of mutual reassurance on the matter, do get in touch. I'm far too inclined to forget that I have one too.

Today I don't though because I can't even remember what you studied at Oxford. *head-desk* You went to New College though? I didn't imagine that?

I am interested that you studied BSL and someday want to get you and

dextress in a room together so that you can both teach me as much of it as possible. I think you know different things. Yay! You two should communicate in BSL lots at the housewarming. Hee. :D

And a question: what is your favourite walk in the world?

And an observation: Reading and Colnbrook aren't too far awayfrom each other and a regular meeting-up-with-you spot would please me greatly. :)

New College is right. It was theology.

Walk? Walking? I don't do that very often... We used to go on holiday in the Lake District quite often when I was little, and when I was about 9-11 we did proper walking, in walking boots and everything. So I've done some of the hills around Ambleside. But since then I haven't done much walking for fun. I don't mind it, but I have to be going somewhere - the sort of circular walks round the countryside that you get in guides to local walks are not my thing. There s also some very pretty country round Tirgu Lapus near Baia Mare, including a nce river and lots of hills.

I wonder if your mould is the same one that's had a go at my air mattress? I probably ought to check whether or not it's succeeded before the next event :)

Most of my life is at the too-big-a-problem-to-tackle stage.
Most large problems can be broken down into smaller problems. 'Tidy the lounge' might be far too huge a task to face (it certainly is for me!) but 'put the stuff on the sofa where it should be' might not. And doing almost nothing is a huge step up on doing actually nothing, psychologically as well :)

Oh, and we should sing. <nods decisively>

Do the mould thing *now*. Otherwise your air mattress will be non-functional, because full of holes.

Re smaller problems, yes. I now have some goals - I have written down what I want each room to be like when they are all done. I think this will help me see the smaller steps I can take to get there.

I know lots of musical people and long to get them all together in a room. Any thoughts on how to achieve this? :)

I know you have a brain, and I don't know you very well. At the moment I am finding life quite hard to cope with and have found, like

lanfykins above that doing very small things at a time helps. I cleaned our tiny shower room, and viciously bleached and sprayed the horrible mould that was growing in it, and threw out all the almost empty shampoo bottles in there, and now it cheers me up just to step into the room (madness? perhaps), and I remember that I love the bright yellow colour I painted it.

I want to ask you all sorts of things about BDSM and clubs and stuff, as I am just exploring some BDSM things myself, and you hint at taking part. I just am deeply shy about it, and also not very confident as a newbie... ummm, so, can I ask you things when I know what to ask?
N.

The bathroom here is very depressing, as it basically needs to be ripped back to the bare walls and begun over again, and that won't be possible for probably two years or so. Not going to think about it :(

BDSM: fire away! I am not *very* experienced, but I have been doing That Sort Of Thing for a few years and can probably be somewhat helpful and informative. :)

I was just thinking about bleaching the bathroom, and throwing things away, as opposed to doing serious tiling... Sorry...

How did you first get into going to BDSM clubs and things? Mup and I are exploring playing at home, but I just feel like we need to know how to do things... or maybe to know what is possible or something.
N.

Gah! I have just realised you asked me a question here which I completely failed to respond to!

R and I have only just started going to BDSM clubs; first trip in dEcember, second tomorrow night. We are lucky enough to have a couple of friends who are into this stuff too, and we're all able to be open and relaxed about it together (it helps that various of us fancy various others of us, I think).

But we have been doing things at home for a good year/18 months before that. We both had some previous experience (each in both roles). Our major how-to input has been from the web and from books (depending on how you guys work, The Mistress Manual and Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns are good books). Certainly for the what's-possible aspect, the 'bdsm negotiation checklist' forms which can be found online are good - they simply list things that kinky folk might want or not want to do. In conjunction with the Deviants' Dictionary website they come in very handy.

After a while, you start to discover what the underlying things are that turn you and your partner on. I mean, rather than knowing that having one's hair pulled *and* being called rude names *and* being used as a footstool turn one on, one starts to realise that one is actually into humiliation and objectification. Then one can start to look at other activities that press those buttons.

At some point I will have a 'kink' journal or filter - would you be interested in reading it?

yeah, Mup and I have been experimenting at home for probably about a year. I think it became a matter of realising that the reason I liked being bitten and more forceful sex (sometimes) was that, oh yes, I probably am interested in exploring BDSM a bit more. So I'm doing a lot of reading, and realising that it isn't freaky weird (which I knew, but it's an adjustement to think about myself in thses terms), but actually good fun, and that lots of cool people are involved. Reading some of Rhona's posts have been really helpful and encouraging.

I would definitely be interested in reading your kink filter, and like I think I just put to you, I'm thinking about starting my own, once I master the filter side of things, and decide which of my friends I am comfortable reading this stuff. Some of the people I know can be quite judgemental about things.

Thanks for sharing this info, we bought "Sensuous Magic", and the "Roses/Thorns" book is next on my reading list.

I'll check out the Deviant's Dictionary when I'm at home.
Thanks for replying.
N.

All right, as a matter of curiosity, who is Hisakawa Aya?

And what is BSL, because I'm not sure I have an idea!

BSL - British Sign Language.

A Japanese singer who I know of from a song of hers called 'Onigiri' (meaning rice balls) which is ludicrously chirpy and silly :)

Rik got the acronym right. The US equivalent is ASL, and they have some signs in common, but relatively few - and the fingerspelling system is different.

Wow, I am impressed about the french too! It's a shame about your pyjamas. I ripped a big hole in my favourites the other night so am going to have to get some more.

What is Shards?

Shards is a great and funky LARP (Live Action Role Play) game where we get together, camp and go boshing with rubber weapons :)

Its a great excuse for a healthy[ish] weekend away!

See my icon :)

Rik said it - we drive to Wales, wear bizarre clothes, sleep in tents, run about in woods and on sand-dunes and hit each other with rubber weapons. Great fun. :)

*rolls up sleeves*

allowing it to be observed changes its nature

I believe that's Lacan, not Schroedinger. Schroedinger was uncertainty; you don't know anything about anything except while it's under observation.

Refute me!

You don't need Schrödinger to tell you that you don't always know what's going on if you can't see it…

The point of Schrödinger is that until you open the box the state in which the cat exists is that of being both dead and alive. As soon as you open the box, the state of the cat changes to either dead or alive.

I can't possibly refute you; I have no philosophy background and no idea where to start looking! If you say it's Lacan, it probably is - Schroedinger was simply the only concept I had which related to what I wanted to convey.

Sorry have we moved off Quantum? The only Lacan I can find appears to be a psychoanalyst. Some reference to implications for quantum, but I cannot find anything that explains what. Can you help?

A basic Quantum principle is that observing changes the state, or perhaps collaspes it into one state (copenhagen interpretation at any rate). Schrodinger is perhaps inappropriate as the cat was to illustrate the absurdity of the pre-collapse state when applied to a non-quantum object. However the observation does collapse the cat into either dead or alive (rather than dead-or-alive superposition), so it could be an appropriate reference.

That's the very Lacan I meant. His whole deal was basically that, in the process of psychoanalysing someone, you change them.

I am a dirty, dirty adherent of psychologism and secretly believe that no science is true.

It is hard because so many nice people live far away

So, is niceness a function of distance from you? Are those of us on Oxford doomed to be less nice than those in Cambridge or Brimingham?

yes :p

No. Because Oxford is the centre of the world, niceness is a function of distance from Oxford. So even I'm less nce than Oxonians these days.

Come and visit Oxford, then!

Hello!
The tidying up thing is a hard one to crack, but its nice when it gets there. I find that if I aim to tidy up all day I'll procrastinate and do nothing, but if I decide to tidy up for the duration of an album, then go do something else it gets done a lot better.

Also, I attempt to tidy up as I go along, so I'll take things upstairs for putting away when I go up, then bring down a load of washing if the machine is empty.

With regard to BSL, you might find http://www.bbc.co.uk/voices/languagelab/surveys/bsl.shtml? interesting. The BBC are looking at the BSL signs that people know & use for common words.

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